The fall television season has me wondering if there is really anything left to be seen on TV. I have tried hard to muster up the courage to do my annual as seen on TV reviews but I've been lulled into a stupor and have not quite found a way out until now.

Being bored to death was not all that fun until the new season of Bored To Death actually started on HBO. I had totally forgotten about this silly show when I planned out this years as seen on TV reviews but I'm so glad Direct TV accepts credit cards right over the phone because I had no service literally an hour from show time.

Bored is in its 3rd season and although it is eclectic and every other word in the dictionary that means something like eclectic, this show is one of the best comedies to air in years. Jonathon Ames wrote the show and cast Jason Schwartzman as his self modeled writer slash private detective in New York City who has been mentored by a pot head out of touch magazine publisher and paired up with cartoonist slash Super Ray played by Zack Galifiniakis, his best friend, to muttle through life together while ending up in the most peculiar situations imaginable.

The first two seasons played just like the run-on sentence above and if you don't understand the sentence, then you won't get the show. It's a pity though because the show is brilliant and aimed at an intelligent, but far less brilliant audience. I fit right in there somewhere and find myself fascinated by the stories and the acting is superb. Real life does not play well on prime time network comedies and the little bits of risque kookiness of the plot lines make it all the more enjoyable.

My recent post about a neck lift without surgery caused me a lot of grief around Uberazzi so I really need to clarify my position on the neck lift. First, Lifestyle Lift is the name of the surgical we all hear about and the Neckline Lift is the new As Seen On TV neck lift without surgery product I was wanting to make fun of. The only thing was that when I saw the corny Neckline Lifts infomercial I actually liked the product.

It is pretty much my passion to make fun of all the silly things people do in Hollywood for vanity and I planned to jump all this neck lift without surgery fad as it ripped through L.A. but that dumb infomercial made me begin to pay attention to just how much demand there was for Neck Lift Surgery. I knew about the run of the mill face or brow lift and I'm a big proponent of Hair Transplants as long as the expectations are reasonable but I was baffled by the neck lift.

But as I started writing jokes for my post, I began to see the benefit of how simple the Neckline Lifts were and how much pain and money they could save people because I'm not seeing tremendous results from the actual Lifestyle Lifts surgery. In Beverly Hills a neck lift will run you over $8,000 and there is no hiding the fact that you've done it. As with any surgery there is a recovery period and no matter what anyone says, there will be at least minor pain involved.

My theory is that if we could all see what we would look like after the Lifestyle Lift, most of us wouldn't even bother with the procedure. This was my main point. I wasn't knocking cosmetic surgery. I love cosmetic surgery, especially the bad kind. There is nothing better than seeing some lady walking down Rodeo with giant sun glasses and huge duck lips just thinking she's cheated Father Time with her Gold Card and special relationship with Dr Whoever. It's hilarious. But really not necessary.

And here is why. I'm sure there are many cases where the Lifestyle Lift surgery is really the right answer for a patient and the surgeon performing it can really change their lives. But, for most people it is not corrective or life changing. It's a little whim of a surgery that they believe will make them look better. But most of us look fine and and the change will be so very slight we will just think we notice. And, I'm not about surgery for that reason. Well, at least until you've thought it through.

If you can invest $9 in Neckline Lifts instead of $8,000 for Lifestyle Lifts you can figure out what you may look like after a procedure and play around to find your best look. Often times when we go for a consult, the surgeon tells us what we want to look like based on what he can do. We need to have our own understanding of what we want and then find out the surgeon can do. If they say they can't do it, don't get talked into their plan. Either find another opinion or accept that you are not a candidate for the type of procedure you want.

So being who I am professionally, I encourage you all to go out and get bad cosmetic surgery that you can't afford so I can make fun of you. But as a person I would prefer that you got Neckline Lifts and tried a neck lift without surgery before you did anything costly, painful and drastic.

 

 

 Related Post:

 

Here in Hollywood we like to keep beauty secrets like Neckline Lifts a secret because if people found out what was really going on they would ridicule our vanity. But since the Neckline Lifts infomercial has hit the As Seen On TV circuit, I'm here to spill the beans.

Why? Because Neckline Lifts are funny as hell and a product begging for humiliation. Neckline Lifts are perfect for the As Seen On TV world because of their simple and comical nature but if you watch the infomercial below, you will see the product is presented in a serious way. This upsets me a little because lampooning is my life but being able to lift your turkey neck without surgery and for an insanely cheap price will have a strong appeal for women everywhere.

I may as well do myself a favor and skip the jokes on this one because I find neckline lifts more fascinating than funny. I've been yanking on my neck for a half an hour trying to figure out how this works and it seems rather brilliant for those out there who want to use a quick trick to defy father time. Maybe I'm not so keen on belittling those who are tempted to buy Neckline Lifts because this is something I can relate to and would love to have a painless, inexpensive alternative to type of surgery of been making fun of for years.

The best thing about Neckline Lifts may be the insight it can give a person into the possible results of having a neck lift. Not that I've EVER been to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation before, but if I had, I would want to know what I may look like after the surgery and before I laid down the $8,265. (My friend, I mean a person I don't know, gave me the price because I I did not find this out from a surgeon during a consultation that never took place)

So for any of you out there with some jowl issues wonder what you may look like after getting a neck lift, buying Neckline Lifts for $10 sounds pretty compelling about now doesn't it? Not that I would ever order such a product because I look perfect in every way but I thought it was my duty to let my readers know they too can now have one of Hollywood dirty little secrets at their disposal. We all know that it's better to look good than feel good, and Neckline Lifts may be a step in that direction.

We knew feather hair extensions would remain the eco terrorist fashion trend of the summer for the chic and cool, but this took me by surprise.

I mentioned before that Feather Hair Extensions Hit Hollywood a few months back but now that school is out,  the stork must have dropped by some baby feathers because little Hollywood is no sporting feather hair extensions and they look adorable.

When we see cuties like  Lola Sheen, Kaia Gerber and Neriah Fisher dangling those cool little accessories from their little heads, you hardly think of the blood spattered rooster corpses left behind in the name of fashion.

 I'm truthfully split on the debate but don't think it is necessary to kill for fashion but my favorite part of the whole fad is when I see people who I know are vegans wearing feather hair extensions which resulted in an animals death.  The newest way to get feather hair extensions is at Snap On Feathers.

 Not that they don't look good, they just look kind of ashamed.

 

 

 

You can Now Buy Feather Hair Extensions Exclusively At Amazon.

 

How to become a better NFL Player during the Lockout is not some positive affirmation we pray is being repeated ad nauseam in the minds of our favorite players. It's an idea being embraced by a select group of athletes looking to transform the way they play the game, and truth be told, these football lessons go way beyond anything a player can be taught in training camp.

With that said, some teams may actually benefit from the current lockout. Teams like the Green Bay Packers, Jacksonville Jaguars and Dallas Cowboys are just a few of them. And, the unintended result of this tickle fight we call "The Lockout" will be sending the idea of off season training with the same old route running and tackling dummies to the back pages of the NFL history books for sure . So who's responsible for leading the NFL out of the dark ages and into the light? Is it the commissioner? Is it the Players Union? No silly, It's Jay Glazer!

Yep! It's Jay Glazer, who is not just one of the only NFL insiders not spending his days crying about the lockout but he's actually set out to change the way NFL Players approach the game. Laugh if you must, but you better not laugh in his face because few of us football fans realize that Glazer is a former fighter who was actually prohibited from competing by his network so he wouldn't show up for his television gigs bloodied and bruised. Glazer wasn't moonlighting as a tomato can for bus fair either. He was, and still is, a true warrior who has an unparalleled passion for battle.

The fact is, Glazer is very well known in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and there are probably a slew of NFL players who might just admit that he is the toughest guy standing on the turf any given Sunday. NFL players have sought him out to learn the ways of a warrior and elevate their game. The problem is that most guys who want to MMA  Workouts with Jay, simply can't handle it.

Glazer's approach is to teach a player to think like a fighter and there is absolutely no room for ego. When these guys slide out of their rides and into the cage there ain't nobody there to ask for an autograph or to negotiate a contract on their behalf. It is just them, the fear and their opponent. But Glazer tells these guys up front that he will break their will and push them WAY beyond their breaking point. But in doing so he will help transform their bodies, elevate their skill set and completely change their mental approach to the game. Even though most NFL Players are not tough enough to endure this type of training it should be be pointed out the guys who voluntarily subject themselves to this program because of their desire to be the best is certainly admired by the real fighters they train with.

These players are not out there seeking publicity or a pat on the back for trying. They fully understand that in MMA there is only the fighter and the fight, so once they enter the cage, they aren't coming out until the battle is over. Whether it's Chuck Liddell stopping by to deliver some body blows or a customized kicking drill it makes no difference to Glazer. It's on, and it's really an exciting thing for NFL fans to see.

This season of Jay Glazer's MMAthletics is featuring the intense training of NFL stars like Clay Matthews and Marcedes Lewis and giving us a sneak peak at Dallas Cowboy draft pick, DeMarco Murray as he prepares for his rookie campaign.

As always MMAthletics is still a fight fan's ticket to the behind the scenes world of all things MMA , but it's Season 2's focus on how the MMA mindset challenges some of the NFL's greatest athletes that makes it a must see for any sports fan. But, don't think you have to be a pro fighter or an NFL superstar to train with Jay Glazer. Each episode is highlighted by Jay Glazer's move of the week and he has even released a brand new MMA training system called The Perfect Punch which can be used by anyone, any place and at any time.

So if you're worried that the NFL Lockout has become nothing more than an extended vacation so nobody has to sweat it out in training camp, think again. If you want to find out if anyone on your favorite team is working out with Jay Glazer just tune in to MMAthleics and see how these guys are changing the way we think of football.

Train Like A Real MMA Fighter With Jay Glazer's Perfect Punch

So for anyone who hasn't seen Gene Simmons flame out on the Joy Behar show, here it is. Shannon Tweed has finally had enough after 28 years of nonsense and she pretty much snapped on Joy's show.

I've always wondered how a hottie like that could put up with Gene Simmon's Munster like physique and prepubescent monkey play for more than minute and we have to assume it's the money. Simmons has more money than God so the fact that he would parade himself around in a reality says a lot about this guy's mental deficiencies. Whether it's Arnold or Gene, these mongoloid types seem to have some serious issues but they make for great trashy TV!

Let's watch Gene Simmons on the Joy Behar show and feel just how uncomfortable as Joy.  And I thought it went bad on Chelsie Lately!

 

So Selena Gomez is alive and made it to her appearance today at Santa Monica Place. In the best of my estimation she didn't look 4 days pregnant and I don't think she's having a little "Bieby" any time soon.  But,I will say she looked a bit dazed and confused when she ventured out to reporter row just before her boring little set.

Selena is definitely a trooper and the little girls loved her. There is nothing better than seeing 11 year olds screaming and breaking out in tears while pretending that the old lady behind is not their mother. Oh to be young again and to have such an idol who's been completely fashioned out of old used Annette Funicello parts retained by Disney when her contract ended. You could almost smell the Formaldehyde in the air when Gomez finally hit the stage, and as she gazed out emotionless over the crowd I had to wonder is she too was watching her career flash before eyes as I certainly was.

Selena is just another in a long line of future "Where Are They Nows" but seems just as deserving as all the others whose names seem to escape me at the moment. She's certainly cute as a button and that's about all you need in today's Hollywood when you're about to release a blockbuster movie like Monte Carlo. I hope to god her agent cut a deal to make sure she was paid on the front end, if you know what I mean.

But for the preteens who lined the rails at Santa Monica Place, seeing their idol must have been the absolute thrill of a lifetime and Selena Gomez delivered just the right amount of bubble gum pop and glitter to make it a great day for the kids and provide a rare opportunity for parents to ring heroic as they braved the deafening screams and avoided stepping in the puddles of lip gloss that surrounded them.

Way to go _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  (Insert In Name Of Teen Idol Here)!

As we'll see below, your performance will go down in history as one of the greatest ever and certainly the voice of your generation.

Selena Gomez "A Year Without Rain" Live At Santa Monica Place

 

 Related:

Selena Gomez Santa Monica Place Appearance Re...

Feather Hair Extensions Hit Hollywood

So on the heels of Lebron James, and the Miami Heat's epic failure, the Miami Herald published a Macy's ad congratulating the Heat as the 2011 NBA Champions. Nice going Herald, but you are probably not the only game in town who preplanned the success of the Heat and their anointed one, Lebron James. So as I raise a cup to the rest of the NBA people are wondering if Lebron James is a failure.

The answer is a resounding no! James is not a failure and never under any circumstances will his skill ever diminish enough to be considered one. However, Lebron James is fact an idiot. I'm not even sure what he's said in the press following the Heats much deserved loss but I'm sure it will be someone else's fault and that he doesn't care what people say about him. The most disturbing thing about this guy over last 2 seasons is that King effectively took himself out of the running for the "greatest player of all time."

By leaving the Cavs, where had a license to lose, arguably the future greatest player of all time, will never able to prove it to himself, or the world. Scottie Pippen pointed out earlier this season that Lebron would probably take the throne one day but since he went and joined a player of somewhat equal caliber instead of allowing other players to come to him, Lebron erased himself from the conversation.

There is no shame in deferring to Michael Jordan and leaving the door open for Kobe Bryant to ultimately answer the question of the best ever, and this is not what makes Lebron an idiot. What does is that he broke the hearts of the people of Ohio who laud him as the greatest ever whether he one them a title or not. Now the best player of all time can never be considered any higher than 3rd no matter if he wins zero, two or ten championships. And remember, he wouldn't have offended anyone in Miami had he chosen to stay at home with the Cavs but he chose to gut the fans who idolized and gave him his only shot to be better than Michael Jordan.

Had he stayed, the future Governor of Ohio who's restaurant chains could have turned around the local economy and brought peace to the Middle East, will be forever knows has Dirk's bitch no matter what happens in 2012. Cleveland now loves their Mavs (I mean Cavs) and the fact that Miami might very well win a Championship next year will have be completely meaningless to everyone except the Heat fans. The sting of Lebron's will be felt only by him because with this loss the city of Cleveland can move on.

So that is really why Lebron is an idiot. He had the unique opportunity to spit in the face of his hometown and actually chose do it. Even though it is a different situation for a guy like Dwight Howard in Orlando because he didn't grow up there, let's hope for his sake that he chooses the white hat instead of black one. Oh, and once again I would like to congratulate the 2011 NBA Champion Miami Heralds!

Great news everybody! Selena Gomez is out of the hospital and ready to reappear at Santa Monica Place on Monday. Gomez, who was taken to the hospital Thurs night after taping The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, had to cancel Fridays scheduled appearance much to the dismay of her fans. I for one was pissed. I can look right out the window of the office and see Santa Monica Place and I was hoping that the traffic jam of cars and teenie boppers would clear in time for the ride home. But instead, we're doing it all over on Monday when Selena will take to the stage to promote her latest film Monte Carlo.

I'm all for this kid promoting her movie and taking advantage of her time in the spotlight, but I hate when these little stunts tie up traffic and for some reason force tons of teens to smoke clove cigarettes outside the lobby of my building. But it will all be worth it if I can somehow get a glimpse of that Justin Bieber kid. He's Dreamy!

 

 

So we do an awful lot of kidding about all types of crap we see on TV or in the movies but I must say that MMA provides just as much entertainment as our favorite shows. As I get ready to Watch UFC 131, I will not be making fun of these MMA fighters because, let's face it, I'm weak and frail.

These guys mean business and somehow MMA has quickly become one of the most popular sports in the world. It has all the pageantry and glitz of Wrestling but it's for real. For me, it equates to modern day gladiator tournaments and the blood lust of the fans means big dollars at the box office and huge television ratings. Sometimes we complain about the networks pulling shows after we've become fully invested in the stories and characters and frankly, I feel like "Prime Time Tease" is keeping viewers from committing to new series.

But investing your fandom in something like the UFC will pay dividends because the drama is amazing and this weekend's UFC 131 has a fight card which promises to be epic. I'll admit, it took a lot of coaxing to get me to pay for a fight but I've been sucked in by the UFC and can't believe I let 129 fight nights slip away before I found the sport.

If you have no idea what MMA or UFC is all about, watch the countdown to UFC 131 as the drama begins to unfold. I bet you get hooked!   If you want to try MMA Workouts at home, you might find it a great way to stay in shape.